My Time – My Space

 

 

A Baby Boomers’ Dilemma😕 When is it my turn to enjoy MY life?? I hear this sentiment more and more from my peers who write to me about being bogged down with responsibilities and wanting to “Reclaim their life”.

A very interesting new friend inspired me to write this post.? Please add your comments.

“For years, I have been spending my “non-work” time helping and waiting on others, my husband, my kids and now my parents.  How can I get some private time and space for me?”

The bold move is to simply announce: “Every other Saturday is my day and you will all have to take care of yourselves on my day.”  Your older kids will think you’ve gone nuts, your husband will think you are having an affair and your parents will think you are being “selfish”.  So this is not the ideal approach.

I assume you have noticed that no one says a word when your husband leaves regularly to spend five hours at the golf course. Don’t want to take up golf?  Look at your local recreation or senior center and see if anything looks interesting. If your family gets used to you going away at regular times for yoga sessions, knitting lessons or volunteer work, it becomes “your time” and soon, they will quit asking “Where are you going?” and when will you be back?”

My wife can easily spend five hours running errands and going to the grocery store on a Saturday.  When her father moved in with us, he was ready to call the police after she had been gone for three hours.  “How could she possibly still be shopping?” he would ask.  He now accepts “her time” or at worst thinks she is a really slow shopper.  The point is, over time, people get used to routines.  Start with a regular class or two that everyone understands.  They get used to you being gone and when the classes end that time slot has become “your time”.

You may not even want to leave the house but you still want some private time.  That will require that you have some private space.If the kids are gone, claim a bedroom and make it your study.  Immediately, start locking it so everyone realizes it is off limits. If you don’t have an extra room, look at the closets, a utility room or even a corner of your bedroom.  Buy a locking fold down or roll-top desk big enough to hold a computer.  You may want to start a family tree or catalog all of your recipes so you will have an answer when they ask what you are always doing on the computer.  Again, your time away will soon become part of their routine and they will lose interest.  So whether you are chatting with friends, playing solitaire or starting a new business, it has become Your Time ?  Your Space.

Rick

 

Comments on My Time – My Space Leave a Comment

  1. I’m suffocating! Thanks for the ideas. The more time my husband spends at home, the more I want to leave. He has always worked full time until recently when he became “semi-retired”. He just doesn’t have enough to do at home so he wants to latch on to my schedule. I can’t do anything without him popping in or looking over my shoulder. I like to play poker online and chat with other players but it is no fun with him giving me “advice” or criticizing my plays or asking about my chat buddies.
    THE BIG LOCK ON MY NEW PRIVATE SPACE SENDS A CLEAR MESSAGE.
    Thanks again,
    Jen

  2. i’ve been happily married for over 30 years. our secret? give each other some private time and space. i go bowling with the boys every thursday night. when i get home, my wife might ask if i had fun. i answer, the bowling was good but the strippers are getting a little flabby. she never asks for details.

    my wife goes to vegas 3 or 4 times a year to meet with her gambling buddies. when she comes home, i ask if she had fun. she answers, what happens in vegas stays in vegas. i never ask for details

    most people need some private time. if you are the very curious or jealous type, you’re not going to have a happy long lasting marriage. give your spouse a break. whether they are knitting or watching porn in there private time and space, if it makes them happier, it will make you happier.

    Jake

  3. My husband, after 30+ years, is disabled and at home more than either one of us likes. I never needed my own space until now and I decided to make our spare bedroom my “sanctuary”. So now I have a place to go and just read or sit quietly instead of having someone breathing down my back when I”m home. Everyone needs their own space, no matter what they do!

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