Sexually active people in their twenties or thirties probably don’t need to relax before having sex.? But if you are single and over forty, there may be many reasons to be uptight and/or nervous before going to bed with your next date.? A few butterflies in the stomach may enhance a sexual encounter, but knots in your stomach do not bode well for a great experience.? Worried about:
- how your body looks?
- the layoffs at work?
- how well you will “perform”?
- that cigarette smell in your hair?
- the overall effect of the stressful life you have been living?
You need to relax BEFORE having sex.? A fast and effective way to do this is by using an anchor.? Anchoring is way to trigger mental and physical memories of? a time when you were really calm and confident.
There are many different types of anchoring techniques.? In this situation, a? “resource anchor” is just what we need.? It takes just a little practice to achieve great results.? Start with this exercise:
- Think of a time when you were confident and relaxed.? As you think of that time, remember what your surroundings were.? Remember the color of the walls or of the sky,? see the textures and contours of that place where you were confident and relaxed.? Take a few deep breathes and fall into that same state of relaxation.? When you are there, press your thumb and forefinger together on your left hand.? As you press your thumb and forefinger together say to your self “relaxed and confident”
- As you continue to relax,? become aware of the sounds that were going on around you as you relaxed.? Hear the sounds of the city or of nature, as you remember that time.? And when you are ready ….press the same thumb and forefinger together and repeat to yourself? “relaxed and confident”.
- Now as you relax again, become aware of the sensations that you felt at that time. The seat beneath you and how your body felt so relaxed.? And as you remember those physical sensations of being relaxed press your thumb and forefinger together again while saying to yourself, “relaxed and confident “.
Always end by pressing your same thumb and forefinger together.? Feel the relaxation flooding back over you.? The best thing about this exercise is that the more you do it the easier it gets.? Try it before going to bed or taking a hot bath, whenever you know you are going to be quickly relaxed.
When setting the anchor, remember these four things:
- That you feel the state that you want to anchor, strongly.? That is to say if you can’t feel it clearly, the anchor won’t be as strong.
- Precisely time when you set the anchor.? You can do this by being sure that you really are feeling, whatever it is you want to anchor, at the time you set the anchor.
- Use a unique gesture to set your anchor.? That is why you set your anchor on the non-dominant hand so there are no contradictory things that you might use the hand for.
- Don’t complicate the anchor.? Make the gesture you use for setting your anchor easy to do again.
Now, back to having great sex…? Seize the opportunity when it presents itself.? Eliminate all self-doubt by moving into your confident and relaxed state.? Whenever you want to experience the state that you have anchored (relaxed & confident), simply press that thumb and forefinger together and you’ll go there.
A pretty slick trick, right?? Baby Boomers can use this same technique to relax before giving a big presentation or facing any situation where “relaxed & confident” is the desired state of body and mind.